Blogging

I took a decision, a little to surprise you all and a lot more to surprise myself. It feels somewhat weird to tell but I am writing this as my last blog post.

As I am telling this, I can’t help recalling my first one and followed up many. That even reminds me of my friend comparing his numbers with mine. And every time he said that, Sorry but I laughed at your cute reaction. Honestly numbers don’t count. They never did. And I am big fan of your writing, you sure know that.

Well, I am certainly not here for a big farewell boring bid-bye post. But yes I would like to thanks for making me smile and encouraging me every time by giving those reviews and suggestions. I am even glad to have found some really sweet readers on my blog, one of them turned out to be pretty nice friend too. This guy is himself a blogger. (You can check his great blog -> https://mymindsjournal.com/ )

And not to forget; each one of you who has been reading my posts, taking out your little time, it truly meant a lot.

I began this journey with no hope really and probably I am leaving the journey mid way with really no hope of coming back. But I’d like to clear that my decision is not out of depression struck situation. Life has been pretty awesome to me always. Yes I have problems like everyone else. But my bonding with my problems are little weird and kind a silly. I guess mine loves me so much that it never leaves me but also makes sure to never hate me. It simply is my all time go-along-forever kind companion. We both can’t live without each other.

I personally believe blogging is about expressing yourself by your words. You convey your thoughts, your ideas, your imagination and anything or maybe everything through words.  It’s like your words is forming your own identity. They describe you in their own way. Writing helps you connect with others and more of it with your own self. And blogging is one of the best experiences I ever had. It gave me a platform where I can speak and be heard and grow.

I am leaving because for me it’s no more about words. Sadly I realise my words don’t connect anymore. Or rather I should say the more I try to express, the more of it creates distance. Before it further creates a different identity of mine, I want to accept that silence is what I need.

“Yours words should be your best friend but not a forced burdened relationship.”

I and my words don’t share the same bonding now. It has become like a complicated marriage and probably would take a long time to recreate those old beautiful ‘us’ feeling. Might be I am playing the selfish one by taking this decision of being apart. Hopelessly, I had no other choice.

So not much more left to say I just want to end this by saying few words unsaid…

(Small pause for those who shall miss me :P)

Whatever and however I have been, I am glad I was there. I am glad you welcomed me and it happened. Probably you’ll not remember me as a blogger. But I will never forget my readers and their love. My existence was from you all. Today if I am leaving, it’s because something shouldn’t stay once it has lost its real meaning.

But yeah, you all amazing bloggers out there- Keep blogging and rocking. I am still there as your active reader. Even I am waiting for two of my sweethearts to start their blogs soon. I can’t wait to read yours too. And my dear cute friend you get a chance to increase your numbers now. LOL!

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

 

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The loss

I did disliked when you said those hurtful words, when you failed to understand me though you were among those who nourished me, nurtured me.

Our bonding faded with time, I preferred staying quiet for I had no right to complaint. Time made me presume, you don’t value me anymore like before.

But the other day just as the realization of losing you struck me, it made my heart weep. I felt weak at my knees to hear you say “goodbye forever”.

You cried, and kept crying while making me accept I should be fine without you, that you have to separate, you will die.

I couldn’t believe my ears, as I just couldn’t bear the thought of life without you and your blessings.

The pain in your voice was clearly audible. Our good memories kept flashing over my eyes, and I knew nothing else mattered to me other than you.

“No, don’t say that or think anything like that. You will be fine” I wanted to assure you. You acted strong yet. You faked a smile. And I hated myself to ever consider you wrong. No faults, no words, nothing made a difference to our love. I am no one to judge you, I considered.

I said the best word to console you, to bring strength to you, to certain your survival; you ended up asking for last promise. My eyes shed tears, my lips quivered as I promised you what you wished. Nevertheless, I felt emotions in me for the first time. I never thought a simple promise could make me weak.

As the call ended finishing our conversation, I went numb. My brain needed time to recollect whatever was said and told. I had to fulfil your wish, I wanted strength.

I wanted to apologise for never being so expressive, letters being torn off, I felt this is the best place to narrate my guilt, for I am not good at sharing. Yes, I would have always the guilt for not giving my best, what you deserved. And to let you know, you might not believe, I never wanted to lose you. For now I wish that wasn’t meant to be goodbye, not so soon. At least if not for me but for others who did valued you, unlike me.