Amidst of all the chaos, I sat on my chair, while my eyes getting hypnotized by the bright light emerging from computer placed in front of me. My hands seem to be tired from typing and shoulders aching from no movement position since an hour.
Oh, that feeling of having a break. But then there was this need of staying busy and engage myself. I knew if I sat idle, I would end up think upon things, I would be then frustrated and not able to focus.
My mind thought of continuing the work. It paused for I felt tired. I never get bore of my work, but here I was complaining of being tired of doing my work.
There was a reason behind that complaint, I made. I enjoy work, until it gives utter satisfaction. I love doing work when it’s considered worth it. Not when one knows the work you are doing is completely useless and you are forced to do it the way, it shouldn’t have been.
I realized these factors were fitting in my current situation. I wanted to do it otherwise. I wanted to do something productive. I felt irritated out of sudden. My hands stretched to pick up the glass of water kept at a distance. It was empty. Just as similar as my body felt to be at this moment, empty and stuck at some point, some place.
Maybe I should try to divert or change my mind, I thought. Change! The word struck me. It has affected a lot in my life. Lots of changes had been brought, few had occurred naturally, and both of them had gradually resulted into forcing me to change. Do I still require a change? I felt confused.
I knew, I can simply call upon some friends and feel better. But wouldn’t that be a way to escape from reality. The real fact is I am not satisfied from my current situation. I made it look satisfying with my lets-keep-moving-on nature; just for the sake I had no option. But I couldn’t deny this wasn’t what I wanted. I felt I was worth much more then it, or I wasn’t? I felt lost.
Now that 2015 has started, I know this year going to the most important year in my life. Big decisions are awaited to be made and need of taking them was urgent. I can’t delay. It’s a new year, a new start and I truly hope I move on and this time I really want to move forward and not remain stuck thinking if things would have been the way I wished. Not feel frustrated, confused or lost anymore.
“Make your present good, so that in future when your present becomes your past, you feel good about it”
With this new ray of hope, I wish all of you A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Keep rocking and smiling 😀