That’s not you, my friend stated and tears rolled down my cheeks.
I wanted to scream “Yes, I am not like that. I never wished to be that one.”
I never do anything, which could hurt anyone and especially my own friend. Yet I did that twice, once to someone who was just seeking my presence and another time to my own friend. I admit, I was being so unlike me, the realisation hurt me more.
But then I couldn’t ignore that realisation of being uncomfortable, which was making it tougher. It was suffocating. I needed to be honest, however hurtful it was. Not that, I am happy. I knew it will even hurt me equally, making me upset.
Life said to me to be strong, and I was just being that….
The problem which had so arisen is that one part of me says you shouldn’t be bothered, you were right to take the step. While other one of me, says you should be concerned about someone else feelings. But then wasn’t I already being blamed to be selfish, even when I wasn’t being. In my past, I was silent. Yet my silence was accused to be my egoistic behaviour.
I didn’t want to prove someone wrong. I didn’t want to put up complains for the time I suffered, I was blamed. I just wanted to correct things, which shouldn’t have gone wrong. I wanted to be understood. I never demanded I just had bit natural obvious expectations- not many.
I am not that expressive, that’s my fault. But no one is perfect. I hope to be heard, without saying much. I hated explaining myself every time. If you acknowledge knowing me very well, then you would have known – I value you. But you proudly pronounced to be my acquaintance, yet hold me responsible for not valuing you. I did, I just couldn’t say it the way you did.
I have no regrets to speak truth- you couldn’t know me. I am just guilty for being rude to someone whom I valued. As I could readily accept the truth, but still couldn’t stop valuing.
P.S. Time teaches to quietly letting go things as a bad past! It taught me too 🙂 🙂