I want to write something, I heard my urge. But what should I write about? I thought.
I should give a try, I convinced myself as I took out my pen and notebook. As I sat to write I realised there is nothing I could write about or maybe there is so much. My hands ached to not able to write anything since long. I felt distressed with the realisation.
There were times I talked non-stop for hours. I could anytime write anything and feel very comfortable in expressing myself. But these days it’s so hard to share. I feel like my words don’t come out. Or anything I say is useless, it don’t matter anymore and I avoid speaking. Most of the time, I find myself listening to others. I reply them. I advise them. I laugh with them.
Funnily I saw that the people I used to complain for being quiet typos and to never share with me or talk, is presently doing it more. Or maybe I am getting to notice them talking now, instead of talking myself. It’s good in a way. I like being the current me. I still go along with everyone around me without being talking much. But don’t I love talking and writing?
No, I still do. But I am not able to. So, I should be sad. But then why I am completely fine with it? I wondered.
Unlike before I don’t feel bored, whenever I don’t get to talk. I am quite comfortable sitting silent for hours. Just being with me. Doing anything else or Doing nothing too. I like the silence.
Why is the silence I like? I was a silent gal ever. I shouted back.
“Misunderstandings” the reply came. And I was horrified to the respond.
Yes! It’s these misunderstandings which irk you a lot.
They even did before. They had always been an issue. I never had been quite. I tried explaining and sorting them out. Am I tired of explaining myself? I questioned.
The answer was positive. I have lost the expectations for being understood. If done, good. If not, I am tired.
But not that I don’t explain myself anymore. I fought back.
You do, but do you find the ease at them? Isn’t those explanations coming out for the reason, you don’t want your silence end up in losing your loved ones. ?
Maybe. I admitted. That’s true I don’t want to lose whatever I am left with.
Here I wrote this few lines long back, I dedicated it to the current situation.
You are my breathe,
You are my need,
How can I let you go?
As your existence; Makes survival possible for me.
You are my heart,
You are my love,
How can I betray you?
As your tears; Breaks me apart within deep.
You are my shine,
You are my happiness,
How can I hurt you?
As your laugh, Becomes my reason to smile.
You are my strength,
You are my courage,
How can I lose you?
As your presence; Has been my only success.
Say it! Say it! Please say it!
You believe me,
You trust me,
How can you misunderstand me?
As your words; Teaches me to read.
P.S. Life is still about living it. I live it too, to the fullest! 😉
Keep rocking and smiling! 😀