Wonder! Wonder! Wonder!
The whole night I kept wondering… Anything I could just do, just a simple little thing, which could make you smile, truly and not for the sake of showing teeth.
“Sent a gift?” I thought to myself. Na, a bad option. Anyway short in my savings these days so didn’t wanted to hamper my pocket and moreover material things don’t really help much.
“I can talk my usual craziness, I am a big entertainer” I giggled thinking of the option. Tried and flop. I am indeed bad at times in doing good to someone.
“Appreciation makes one feel good, isn’t it?” Another shot I gave but bleh, complete bad luck. Even after my honest words, it didn’t really work up.
Man, I don’t want temporary two second smile. Need that BIG one of yours.
“Should I dance basanti?” I rolled my eyes as I heard my mind saying that.
How? What? Completely confused I felt and trust me, when I am in a state of confusion I act weird. I stay silent more than usual which is a bad signal, I eat a lot, and I drink a lot, (Uh, water! Don’t take that wrong way).
As if, missy you think if you get fat they can easily laugh at you. Duh-huh!
Nothing clicked me; frustrated I banged my empty head. Searched around but all in vain.
The worst I know I always end up writing when nothing helps me and finally I decided to write up here.
But with a tiny-miny idea, hoping that might make you feel good after reading.
I believe when you share your heart with someone, it makes them know that you consider them special.
Dear, you always been special to me and I don’t mind admitting it anywhere. Here’s a little piece of my past left unsaid….
My childhood had always been between me and my family. It was when I joined 4th standard I learned about a new relation named friendship from my teachers. They explained us, it’s not just about getting anyone with you to play around, and it’s more about sharing. But before I could really step into any, I had to change my school and it was a new school then. Everything was very new to me but I was excited about it. My class head teacher had told me on the first day of my joining about a girl, who was brilliant in studies and said I should be more interactive with her, in fact be friend her. My eyes had a glint when I heard of that. Yes, I really wanted to make friends and know how it is to share a bonding. I thought it would be good to make her as my friend, my first friend.
In the break time I went to the playground where she was playing with her group. I called her up and she thought it was to ask about some academic stuff.
“Yes, what do you want?” She questioned in a hasty manner.
I should be hesitating, right?
In real, I wasn’t.
“Will you be my friend?” I spelled that out. I offered her my friendship with a huge smile on my face, not knowing one could even deny to my proposal.
But maybe if it was just a rejection I wouldn’t have mind but it was the reason.
She had this casual reply “You are sitting with a girl (classmate) who is my enemy. We don’t like each other so I can’t make you my friend.”
That pricked me hard. I don’t know why but I felt I had my reasons. I narrated them that I couldn’t get my seat as I came up a little late due to some admission procedure downstairs and ma’am had made me sit with her.
She had the attitude “either choose her or me” and saying this she left.
To say I was sad would be an understatement. I was deeply hurt and from that moment I decided I won’t offer my friendship to anyone ever.
The whole year I made no friends. I didn’t wanted to be a part of any group. I choose to be alone or rather be only good who are good to me. By time I reached higher level classes and yet I never made any friends. It was just left of about being good. There was a time when I felt I should give another chance but always situation proved me, never offer anyone your friendship. Either they reject or they use and throw you like a temporary time pass mate. It hurts more to ignore after knowing you valued them and they betrayed your goodness.
The life’s impression was too harsh that I then never wanted to understand the meaning behind this word friendship. From what I understand was one should never complain or expect and that’s what exists truly in real.
But today I am glad I know it, I know what is having a true friend in your life. For you are the one who taught me, who made me feel this lovely bonding we share.
With you, it wasn’t easy to admit that “yes I need you” but you always made sure you be there before I ask for that.
I love you and all those who are now a part of my life as the most wonderful friends and most of all for changing my perspective towards this precious trustable relation we share.
Keep smiling for I adore you that way.