It’s Bloody! Not that I’m red in blood but because I’ve somehow managed to come out of my shitty condition. There’s a bundle of thoughts running in my mind and annoying things happening around.
You might be willing to ask “what’s up with my health?” as I mentioned about my operation in the last post. Yes, it was done. I was supposed to be fine but the not so recovering body of mine had lost hope. Every another day it creates upsetting drama for me by bringing up more health issues. It neither agreed to die nor to live independently. But I can’t be a mere piece of burden to my family, who are mad to care so much for me. At this moment when my dear ones need me I can’t stay helpless and immobile watch them going through sufferings.
I really don’t know what life has fixed on for me. A stuck career, hopeless skeleton (it’s surely not a body for they survive, its bones with few layer of skin on it), many guilt. For time being I am letting it go and stick to my decision of ignoring pains and problems. They never go according to us yet we can move on just by choosing to remain occupied so as to avoid them letting affect us. It’s going to be tough but then even I am not an easy girl.
Further I want to confess something which I’ve lately realised during these days.
This is to those people who once played a part in my life and still do though a nonexistent role.
I apologise for keeping apart from a very long period of time. I won’t say there were reasons like ones given above. Yes, they existed and not allowed me to keep cribbing about my problems all the time. But I consider them excuses and way to escape away. I know I became too selfish to live according to my preference, not bothering whatever I meant to you. It’s not that I am not aware of how much I value in your life, you equally do to me. It’s about not wanting to be valued by so many. I’d rather prefer to be alone and being with the ones who truly reside in me, who are need to my survival. Frankly if you wish to blame someone for this, then complain to the destiny and fate factor. If it wasn’t so cruel I would have remain there by your side like always bringing up that million dollar smile on your face and sorting out all your obstacles. Not everyone is meant for everyone. Let’s better face the reality and accept the fact that each one of us has to live our own life. However it may be for each one of us yet we can’t ask somebody else to perform your role in this world. And like anyone even I would be answerable for my life, which was said responsible to me.
I ought to outlive for those bright and aspiring eyes, which completes my world. If it leads to sacrificing own self completely, I bear to do that.